Little Ralphie

[aussiephil]

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH


A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Ralphy.


He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'


The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'


Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.


There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:


One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.


The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?'


The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked cone.'


To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The
correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring
on,' but I like your thinking.'




LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)




Little RALPHY returns from school and says he
got an F in arithmetic.


'Why?' asks the father?


'The teacher asked 'How much is
2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.


'But that's right!' says his dad.


'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much
is 3x2?''


'What's the f#*cking difference?'
asks the father.


'That's what I said!'






LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH




Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher
says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words,
class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable
word?'


RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'


Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little
RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'


Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers,
you're thinking of a blowjob.'






LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR




Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take
a piss!!'


The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is
NOT the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is
'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a
sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go..'


Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says,
'You're an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'






LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)




One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the
teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use
the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who
responded with, 'My Father bought my Mother a beautiful
dress and she looked beautiful in it.'


'Very good, Suzie,' replied the
teacher. She then called on little Michael.


'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and
it turned out beautifully.'


She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then
the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.


'Last night at the dinner table, my sister
told my father that she was pregnant, and he said
'Beautiful, just f#*cking beautiful!''




LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER




Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench
munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across
from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy
isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your
teeth, and make you fat.'


Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather
lived to be 107 years old.'


The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6
candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his
own f#*cking business.

[Lone Star]

Little Ralphie on punctuation:

Little Ralphie was asked by his teacher, "What is the significance of the period?"

"I don't know" replied little Ralphie, "but my sister missed one; my mom fainted, and my dad had a heart attack!".